 |
| And wow, the guys at work made huge deposits of Pippa in their royal spank banks of England. |
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Weddings American style...
Yea, the Royal Wedding was groovy, all the little pages, and pomp and circumcision, oops I mean circumstance.
The following movie, ala the Hangover, shows the world how we Americans do it.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Motivational Deficiency Disorder - Happy 4/20
Have you have ever felt lazy, slovenly or just like "the man is out to get you?" You may have Motivational Deficiency Disorder (MDD). I know I do. One in five people suffer from this disorder and many don’t know they have it. This scientifically validated new test (p=0.3) will only take 30 seconds, and it could save your life.*
1. Have you ever felt lazy or apathetic? Yes/No
2. Do you have a family history of laziness? Yes/No
3. Do you ever feel tired on a Monday morning? Yes/No
4. Have you ever considered hiring someone to clean the gutters? Yes/No
5. Are you breathing? Yes/No
*Argos L, et. al., Journal of Motivational Medicine, 2011 April 1;4:78-92
If you answered YES to just one question – you should see your doctor today! Watch the video below, and know you're not alone...
Friday, April 15, 2011
Life of Christ in Cats Commemorative Plate
 |
| In honor of Holy Week 2011. Once again, I have successfully maintained my Lenten observences, and abstained from Crystal Champagne, Caviar, and sex in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. |
(Viz Comic February 2011 #202)
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Federal Furlough in Florida...Fab, Fantastic, Fun!!!
This is a message to all my fellow civil servants of the better-paid, Federal variety....folks I know you're girding your loins for the upcoming furlough...
And folks I haven't even mentioned the "Girls Gone Wild" scene on Clearwater Beach. Best vacation value for the back pay you ain't nevah gonna receive.
xoxo
Babs
 |
I extend to you the warm hand of southern hospitality. Come on Down!!!
Bring your greenbacks, and carpetbags, credit cards, and pasty sun-starved Vitamin D deprived badsefs.
FURLOUGH IN FLORIDA!!
We got it all for ya here in the Greater Tampa Bay Area...
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| The Weeki Wachee Mermaid Show |
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| Fun-Lan Drive In Movie Theatre, Flea Market and Swap Shop |
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| A plethora of clean, available rentals. |
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| A "short sale" available for weekly rental. |
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| Alligator Wrasslin' Photo courtesy of my late Mum's estate. That's my Dad. |
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Numerous cultural venues |
xoxo
Babs
Monday, April 4, 2011
Who loves Rock N' Roll better than America?
NO ONE...cuz we INVENTED IT!! I don't want less freedom, I want more...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCFj4UpUhRU
See sidebar "Rock Songs I never get sick of." Please share comments on rock songs you never get sick of.
xoxo
--Babs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCFj4UpUhRU
See sidebar "Rock Songs I never get sick of." Please share comments on rock songs you never get sick of.
xoxo
--Babs
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Note to self: Do not send condolence notes to bereaved when under the influence of product
Dear friend Emma Eiderdown was most egregiously traumatized yesterday. She had agreed to meet her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Perkins for coffee. Dude shows up, perky all right. In fact he was sorely in need of a 55DD cup to contain his perkiness. The man has gained 20 lbs., and it went, well you can guess where. The medical term for this condition is known as gynecomastia.
So last night Emma and I are digitally rehashing the day, when we decide cocktails just aren't taking the edge off the bogus-ness of "moobs" in a mock tee. What we need to do is re-hash this day.
B: We need some product to get us through this.
E: It's a little early for me....But what the hell, I've had a rotten day. I cried so hard when I saw Mr. Perkins I got snot all over my clothes. And remember my friend Debbie, the one who lived in the school bus for awhile, and presently lives in a barn, THAT Debbie? She's coming over later, so, yeah, I deserve an early bowl!
B: Yum, with a final stop at the Cheesecake Factory for sweet potato fries?
E: Let's do it!
B: Not tonight, how 'bout on my birthday?
E: I suddenly can't remember if your birthday is the 5th or the 25th....can you believe this shit?!!!
B: Thinking, WTF bitch has known me since kindergarten and she can't remember my birthday?
E: I tell you....WHY AM I TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT???? Do you realize it has taken me a freakin' HOUR to try to type my wandering thoughts......Help me pick a date --
One hour later, feeling even better... Mr. Perkins, taxis to HoJos, and birthdays have been totally forgotten...along with Debbie who lives in a barn.
E: Babs you need to help me. I need to write a note of condolence to my neighbor Rose, whose mother died today, and I can't write worth a shit tonight. Can you help me -- it's right up your alley, along with obituaries, grave plotting, and tombstone epitaphs! Please, Babs please, could you write me a condolence note?
B: Dear Rose:Please know I am thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. My most heartfelt condolences.
E: Can you write me another quickie that isn't quite this formal? I think I figured it out. Rose would rather have a hug than a handshake......Does that make sense? Or am I being high?
B: Dear Rose: I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. Please know that I am here for you should you need a shoulder to cry on, a cup of tea, or a snort of brandy.
E: Not quite, one more time? Please ?
B: Dear Rose: My Dentist has just gifted me with some fine ass hydroponic product, that I am certain would make you feel much better during these troubling times. Please give me a jingle and we'll make it happen sooner rather than later.
E: Ha! Love it!
B: Hit "send" for the love of God.
E: Oops, I just did.
So last night Emma and I are digitally rehashing the day, when we decide cocktails just aren't taking the edge off the bogus-ness of "moobs" in a mock tee. What we need to do is re-hash this day.
B: We need some product to get us through this.
E: It's a little early for me....But what the hell, I've had a rotten day. I cried so hard when I saw Mr. Perkins I got snot all over my clothes. And remember my friend Debbie, the one who lived in the school bus for awhile, and presently lives in a barn, THAT Debbie? She's coming over later, so, yeah, I deserve an early bowl!
 |
| One hour later, and Em and Babs are all "Harold and Kumared" out & jonesing for White Castle. |
B: ....only problem w/product is I start thinking about taking a taxi to IHOP for some blueberry "flapjacks."
E: ...with a stop off at Howard Johnson's, for some Tendersweet Fried Clams....B: Yum, with a final stop at the Cheesecake Factory for sweet potato fries?
E: Let's do it!
B: Not tonight, how 'bout on my birthday?
E: I suddenly can't remember if your birthday is the 5th or the 25th....can you believe this shit?!!!
B: Thinking, WTF bitch has known me since kindergarten and she can't remember my birthday?
E: I tell you....WHY AM I TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT???? Do you realize it has taken me a freakin' HOUR to try to type my wandering thoughts......Help me pick a date --
One hour later, feeling even better... Mr. Perkins, taxis to HoJos, and birthdays have been totally forgotten...along with Debbie who lives in a barn.
E: Babs you need to help me. I need to write a note of condolence to my neighbor Rose, whose mother died today, and I can't write worth a shit tonight. Can you help me -- it's right up your alley, along with obituaries, grave plotting, and tombstone epitaphs! Please, Babs please, could you write me a condolence note?
B: Dear Rose:Please know I am thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. My most heartfelt condolences.
E: Can you write me another quickie that isn't quite this formal? I think I figured it out. Rose would rather have a hug than a handshake......Does that make sense? Or am I being high?
B: Dear Rose: I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. Please know that I am here for you should you need a shoulder to cry on, a cup of tea, or a snort of brandy.
E: Not quite, one more time? Please ?
B: Dear Rose: My Dentist has just gifted me with some fine ass hydroponic product, that I am certain would make you feel much better during these troubling times. Please give me a jingle and we'll make it happen sooner rather than later.
E: Ha! Love it!
B: Hit "send" for the love of God.
E: Oops, I just did.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Collard Green Virgin
Yummy. I'm gonna have to plant me a mess o' this delicious green.
What a bit o' bacon grease, red onion, and sunflower seed can't do to make a roadside dandelion taste delish?
You might want to be gentle with yo bad sef and lose your virginity at Bailey's.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRF24LY5pvw
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Verily, verily, I say unto you...
 |
| Old friend, the Feckless Piker, a.k.a. Lord Polo (see above)... |
Of course, all this has to do with a woman, and a Lutheran woman to boot. Lord Polo doesn't leave his office without a Bible, has taken to thumping said book, all the while quoting scripture and verse, in an affected oratorical, sonorous style ala Oral Roberts meets Billy Graham.
I knew it was time to stage an intervention when he showed up for his shift at the Reference Desk sporting Tim Tebow-esque makeup. But his friends are all too lazy to care.
He says his lady friend enjoys "a vigorous spiritual life." I betcha she does ("oh God, oh God"). Lord Polo's gotten so all over this "being saved" crap that people are avoiding him more than usual--even more so than when he has chile for lunch on Wednesdays.
I knew it was time to stage an intervention when he showed up for his shift at the Reference Desk sporting Tim Tebow-esque makeup. But his friends are all too lazy to care.So verily, verily, I say unto you, let's hope this too shall pass, and he'll stop talking about heaven, and boring everybody silly with his godamn holiness. See what happened Lord Polo to those Americans who were passing out Bibles from their yacht in Somalia?
Smote, smite, smitten!!!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Spanish Inquisition at BJ's
Feathering and provisioning nest for upcoming "Sister Reunion 2011." Kept me outta trouble this weekend as I literally haven't washed a dish, nor picked up the floordrobe since the International Garage Dance Party.
So after getting the ride all detailed...man do those car wash guys work hard (see sidebar musical selections), motored over to BJ's to top off tank with petrol and stock up on sundry product:
The following interchange transpired at checkout:
Gal at cash register: "Having a party?"
Me: "Yea, a sister reunion."
Gal: "How many sisters do you have?"
Me: "I've got 4, but just 1 is coming."
Gal: "She coming for a long visit?"
Me: I'm now starting to bristle, and thinking : WTF bitch? Have I asked you about those disconcerting rings through your nose and eyebrow, the gauged out ear, not to mention your offensive muffin top?
Me: "Yea she's coming for 3 days, and we're going on a lot of picnics." thinking: MYOFB & back-off troll.
Gal: "Can I see your I.D.?"
Me: thinking: All is forgiven, isn't she just as cute as a button?
So after getting the ride all detailed...man do those car wash guys work hard (see sidebar musical selections), motored over to BJ's to top off tank with petrol and stock up on sundry product:
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| l-r Mexican Coke made w/real sugar, 1/2 g. Flora d'Cana, 3 made-in-America cheap, yet tasty whites, & picnic supplies. |
 |
| Which augments what remains from Dance Party. |
Gal at cash register: "Having a party?"
Me: "Yea, a sister reunion."
Gal: "How many sisters do you have?"
Me: "I've got 4, but just 1 is coming."
Gal: "She coming for a long visit?"
Me: I'm now starting to bristle, and thinking : WTF bitch? Have I asked you about those disconcerting rings through your nose and eyebrow, the gauged out ear, not to mention your offensive muffin top?
Me: "Yea she's coming for 3 days, and we're going on a lot of picnics." thinking: MYOFB & back-off troll.
Gal: "Can I see your I.D.?"
Me: thinking: All is forgiven, isn't she just as cute as a button?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Florida State Fair
Decided to play hookey from the sweat shop and get me a snort full o' Florida State Fair goodness on Wednesday.
Whilst waiting on line for a ride on the Tilt a Whirl, who did I run into, but the Dean of Discipline, himself Sam Shellhammer. Sam was incognito, but Babs outed him with a "hail fellow well met," as the Dean tried to hide the deep fried Twinkee he was gnoshing on.
Then whilst chatting it up with the lady who charges 25 cents to shake her monkey's hand (plotting my retirement career), I turn around and 'sho 'nuff, there was the Head of Reference and his wife scarfing deep fried Oreos. Well the list goes on and on. Everyone from the University must've taken annual leave on that glorious day.
You aren't a true Floridian unless you attend this annual super fest o' Americana, so it was my duty as a citizen to attend this hot steaming mess of a corn dog State Fair.
What a fabulous day!! Despite my Mom's best "Hyacinth Bucket" pose, there's a whole lot of carnie blood pumping in these veins.
Whilst waiting on line for a ride on the Tilt a Whirl, who did I run into, but the Dean of Discipline, himself Sam Shellhammer. Sam was incognito, but Babs outed him with a "hail fellow well met," as the Dean tried to hide the deep fried Twinkee he was gnoshing on.
The denouement of the day was a joyous family reunion.....
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| Long lost cousin, 2x removed, Jerry Callahan. We're going to stay in touch via Facebook. |
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentines Day
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| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZTVNhjp7H8&feature=related |
P.S. To my sweethearts-- past, present, and future....Happy Valentines Day my dears.
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| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TL2B-iiVhA |
Friday, February 11, 2011
Going under the Radar. You're welcome.
Thank you and Good Luck. Be back on Monday 2/14/11.
This just ain't right...
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The Motor City
Awesome!!! Thanks to fellow Michigander in diaspora Emma Eiderdown for forwarding the above link to me. Beautiful imagery, but ain't nothing, not even if Lee Iococca was giving them away for free, would get me behind the wheel of a PT Cruiser.
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| Detail of Detroit Industry - Diego Rivera, 1933. Fresco mural. Detroit Institute of Arts P.S. Enjoy the Ghost of the Grande Ballromm http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGQ5NZnzlLA |
Monday, February 7, 2011
It's the University of SOUTH Florida*
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| Take advatage of exciting new CR/NC courses being offered Fall Semster 2011: |
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aazG7dMhE7I
College of Communications: COC 205 "Effective utilization of non verbal communication skills." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bbe_u046bJw&feature=relatedhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rjxYFQTY6U
College of Fine Arts: COF 169. "Screenwriting and Editing 101"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVGtVoUKJ6A
Non credit and extracurricular opportunites for new students:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rjxYFQTY6U
* Register soon as these sections are certain to fill fast.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Superbowl XLV. Who gives a shit?
To: Babs
From: Parker Stone
Date: 2/5/11
Subject: Just curious?
Babs:
Sacajewa* and I are busy cleaning in advance of Super Bowl gig here in the gated compound. The feature on the menu will be Pigs-in-a-Blanket.
Curious, who are you backing, Pittsburgh or Green Bay? And will you be coming to the party, so I can order a taxi in advance?
--Parker
To: Parker Stone
From: Babs
Date: 2/6/11
Subject: FW: Just curious?
Dear Parker:
Wow, pigs in a blanket, be still my beating heart. It's heartening to know you've upgraded from last year's fare of cheese whiz on stale Triskets. Parker, just curious, do you still own that that surly little rat-dog cur that bit me last year? Are you gonna lock that little bitch in the attic?
And Parker you know I am perhaps the only person in the US who couldn't give a shit about the stupid Superbowl. Millionaire v. Millionaire.
Yea, thanks dude, order the taxi. Tell 'Jawea I'll be bringing cocktail weinies.
xoxo
--Babs
*Sacajawea= Parker's crunchy granola wife.
From: Parker Stone
Date: 2/5/11
Subject: Just curious?
Babs:
Sacajewa* and I are busy cleaning in advance of Super Bowl gig here in the gated compound. The feature on the menu will be Pigs-in-a-Blanket.
Curious, who are you backing, Pittsburgh or Green Bay? And will you be coming to the party, so I can order a taxi in advance?
--Parker
To: Parker Stone
From: Babs
Date: 2/6/11
Subject: FW: Just curious?
Dear Parker:
Wow, pigs in a blanket, be still my beating heart. It's heartening to know you've upgraded from last year's fare of cheese whiz on stale Triskets. Parker, just curious, do you still own that that surly little rat-dog cur that bit me last year? Are you gonna lock that little bitch in the attic?
And Parker you know I am perhaps the only person in the US who couldn't give a shit about the stupid Superbowl. Millionaire v. Millionaire.
Oh, and the lure of corporate America..."hey retards, watch our ads." The Superbowl is merely the closing ceremony of the bloated, greed-induced capitalist high season that spans Thanksgiving and culminates on Superbowl Sunday. Yea, thanks dude, order the taxi. Tell 'Jawea I'll be bringing cocktail weinies.
xoxo
--Babs
*Sacajawea= Parker's crunchy granola wife.
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