International Garage Dance Party Update

Pagan solstice fire-worshipping hunting and gathering hipsters... preparations are in full force for the upcoming GDP.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYvzBAOoeU8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwqL3ENO4sA&feature=related

Product is icing.

Christmas Contrarian- Please read link below so you know what to get me next year.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/22/obsolete-things-decade_n_800240.html#s210855

What beautiful obsolete gifts I received for Xmas!!  Thank you all. 

Kids, to your left is what is called a "book,*"  purchased from a "bookstore*" on an arcane and obsolete tool known as a "map*."



It's called a "watch*" 

Folks, this is a "CD."  Wait...it only gets worse (better). 

CD's are played on a compact disc player.  Those are "books" on the shelf below.  Please note the Cornell University "Facebook" c.1912.

Aretha's Greatest Hits on "*vinyl."  Yes, you are seeing correctly, someone gave me two scrub brushes. 

My fave. The "Dumb Phone." A "dumb phone"can serve as a weapon of self defense: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGh1d3qmhWY.
Makes a lovely chirping ring http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chRfq0SpATw.
And I control it, it doesn't control me.

*Book:   Object used as a coaster, or to increase the stability of poorly built furniture.  Too bad, cuz once upon a time when you were lonely, bored, broke, and no one wanted to be your friend, a book was a precious commodity.  You could even get them for FREE.  They looked really awesome on shelves, lining the walls of your nest or man cave. 

*Bookstore:  A really cool place to go, especially on a first date.  Bookstores were magical places in which time was warped.  Hours would pass and it would seem like minutes. 
 

*Map:  A chart not easily read or used by your average American retard.  Separated the wheat from the chaff, and ensured that the dumb stayed put in their trailer homes. 

*Watch:  A cool fashion accessory, that was also functional in getting you where you needed to be on time.  Another item that separated the wheat from the chaff.  To wit, an unemployed panhandler/beggar had no need for a watch. 

*CD (Compact Disc):  Silver colored, late 20th c. storage device for music.  A CD allowed you to own music in an actual library. Oft-times, one would stumble upon a random, unknown, track on a CD, that would blow you outta the water & change your life in good ways. That's an old timey occurrence known as "serendipity," and the subject of a subsequent blog post.  CD's were replaced in the early 21st c. by iPods... created by the evil empire of Apple, who would allow you to "rent" but not own the music you  purchased http://www.bythom.com/apple.htm.  Stupid conspicuously consuming cows would pay Apple to "download" music to a computer, i.e. your virtual music "library." However, it was utterly impossible to transfer your music library from one computer to another.

*Vinyl:  Oh, if I only had "Sticky Fingers" on vinyl.  I have nothing to play these gems on.  Adore the scratches.  Reminiscent of hot and heavy make out sessions back in the day.  In addition to the benefits of CDs, vinyl lasts forever, unless you are a total retard and store them in your attic in South Florida (Fang). Vinyl refers to long playing records (LPs). Today new vinyl is pricey. Vinyl records are considered by audiophiles to be superior to CDs as they are "warmer" and more pleasant sounding than CDs. They are correct.

International Garage Dance Party

12/29/10

Bring iPod & folding chair

5p EST - ?

If u r interested in "Skyping" the party, please e-mail me below.

Homage to Baby Bea-- Bitch 2.0

Not only is my little gal successfully running a million dollar bidness...she's devoted to her Mom.  To wit: below please find some flair I documented on a recent visit to her deeply funkified apartment. Warms the cockles and sub cockles of this Mother's cold, cold heart.  

Refrigerator magnet



Refrigerator magnet

The piece d'resistance hanging on the "Mother-in-law" suite bathroom door.

Save the Date

International Garage Dance Party

December 29, 2010
Babs' hacienda
5:00 p.m. - Dawn?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jLGa4X5H2c&feature=related

Define "hubris"

Another multi-layered teaching moment that I feel compelled to share with the blogosphere

Hubris:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hubris.  The important pieces of this definition-- "arrogant," "out of touch with reality," and for that "punishment will follow." 

People of the world, know ye that Floridians have mightily committed hubris and are now being karmically punished....last week we thought 62 degrees was cold, and broke out the faux fur, and UGGs, and cute, sexy fingerless gloves.

However, that taunted the Maker, who deemed "I shall spank those haughty Floridians and make it REALLY fricking cold so they remember who's boss."
 

Well gang, you can sport all the politically correct faux fur, groovy balled-up fleece, and goose down stuffed into gore tex you want, this former Michigander, luxe neo-paleo bitch is going to take care of bidness in the way she "get it from her Mamma"...with animal pelts, specifically, MINK. 

Mink (unlike otters who are super cute) are nasty mammals that have no redeeming qualities when alive...okay let the death threats begin. I'm busting this vintage beauty outta cold storage this night...

Hubris...a sin, which next to lust, Babs repeatedly commits (in her heart, of course).  Renders her way funnier, yet, liable to severe karmic spankings than your average Lutheran!!

Regifting

Easy Peasy!

Taken to new heights...or lows...

Next year it will be Harry

A Fairy Tale in Yiddish Part II

Priscilla's schlock to Fang arrived, wrapped in paper saved from previous Hanukas dating back to the mid 70's, pressed with an iron to remove the creases.

Night one: 6 month supply of stolen hotel soap.
Night two: A  Bob Ross "Paint by Numbers" kit.
Night three: Denture glue (most probably shoplifted from Publix).
Night Four: Four Renuzits purchased BOGO (Buy One Get One) at Publix in a delightful Santa scent.   

Night Four














Night Five: a regifted year-old fruit cake.
Night six: A case of beef jerky


Night seven:  Brand new BWM Alpina B7

Night eight:  A manilla envelope stuffed with gelt in the form of 100 crisp brand new, freshly laundered $1,000.00 bills.

Oy vey, it seemed that despite Priscilla's best efforts to buy her boychick's love, the humble offerings of his luftmensh shiksa, filled Fang's heart filled with naches.
 
Priscilla plotzed at this unexpected turn of events, and decreed there could only be one Queen in the kingdom.  Fang was verklempt, as by now Babs had totally pupik whipped him. 

Boys and girls who do you think that schmendrick Fang chose?  Here's a few hints for the next installment of this fairy tale... blood is thicker than water, especially when you have been chronically unemployed for 15 years and have no discernible job skills, and may be a little faygala on the down low....

A fairy tale in Yiddish- Part I

Once upon a time there was a freylech middle-aged shiksa named Babs, married on paper to a ferscnocked putz posing as a mensch named Fang, who was secretly married, as are most good Jews, to his balabusta dreck of a mother, named Priscilla.

Fang



Priscilla



Babs

   





 Versus:

There was a magical time in the kingdom of alter kockers known as the "Festival of Lights."  Babs carefully chose her gifts to Fang:

Night one: A new shirt from Banana Republic to replace the threadbare Banana Republic schmatte in gun metal gray that Fang purchased in 1982 and refused to stop wearing.
Night two: A pair of UGGs sheepskin slippers.
Night three: A fleecy robe from Nordstrom.
Night four: A pair of Levi's 501 boot-leg dark wash to replace the stone washed peg-leg Sears Toughskins jeans that Fang purchased in 1982 and refused to stop wearing.
Night five:  1st printing of The Coffee Trader by David Liss personally signed by author "Mazel Tov Fang.  Your tribal bra-- Dave"
Night six:  limited release bottle of The Glenlivet Cellar Collection 1972 Cask Strength (aye yee could hear the skreel o' the bagpipes just corking this gem).   
Night seven: 1945 Vintage Girard-Perregaux watch featuring an 18k rose gold case and honey alligator strap.

Night eight:  A rare Hugh Hefner vintage smoking jacket.

Now my little bubbalas it's time for bed....Tante Babs will be back with further installments of the "fairy tale," in which goniff Priscilla's gifts to Fang arrive, and Priscilla decrees there's only room in the kingdom for one Queen and attempts to banish Babs to Hotzeplotz. 

Sources: 
http://www.sbjf.org/sbjco/schmaltz/yiddish_phrases.htm



Define "cold"

Puh-lease... Floridians...get a grip.  A pleasant, sunny 62 degrees is considered "high summer" in Michigan, and DOES NOT warrant down jackets, mittens, UGGs, etc.

Homeboys and homegirls would be sporting beaters, flip flops, shorts, and a protective coating of zinc oxide on the proboscis before heading out for a day at the beach.

Overheard upseaking co-ed making derisive comments today..."bitch be wearing these daisy dukes, like she's an Eskimo or something?"  Okay, maybe it's time to put the dukes in moth balls for the season...but really, bitch, is this necessary....?

Readers, share with the blogosphere your definition of cold... mine is Fang's heart. BTW, Happy Hanukah douche bag.