Christmas Contrarian- Please read link below so you know what to get me next year.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/22/obsolete-things-decade_n_800240.html#s210855

What beautiful obsolete gifts I received for Xmas!!  Thank you all. 

Kids, to your left is what is called a "book,*"  purchased from a "bookstore*" on an arcane and obsolete tool known as a "map*."



It's called a "watch*" 

Folks, this is a "CD."  Wait...it only gets worse (better). 

CD's are played on a compact disc player.  Those are "books" on the shelf below.  Please note the Cornell University "Facebook" c.1912.

Aretha's Greatest Hits on "*vinyl."  Yes, you are seeing correctly, someone gave me two scrub brushes. 

My fave. The "Dumb Phone." A "dumb phone"can serve as a weapon of self defense: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGh1d3qmhWY.
Makes a lovely chirping ring http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chRfq0SpATw.
And I control it, it doesn't control me.

*Book:   Object used as a coaster, or to increase the stability of poorly built furniture.  Too bad, cuz once upon a time when you were lonely, bored, broke, and no one wanted to be your friend, a book was a precious commodity.  You could even get them for FREE.  They looked really awesome on shelves, lining the walls of your nest or man cave. 

*Bookstore:  A really cool place to go, especially on a first date.  Bookstores were magical places in which time was warped.  Hours would pass and it would seem like minutes. 
 

*Map:  A chart not easily read or used by your average American retard.  Separated the wheat from the chaff, and ensured that the dumb stayed put in their trailer homes. 

*Watch:  A cool fashion accessory, that was also functional in getting you where you needed to be on time.  Another item that separated the wheat from the chaff.  To wit, an unemployed panhandler/beggar had no need for a watch. 

*CD (Compact Disc):  Silver colored, late 20th c. storage device for music.  A CD allowed you to own music in an actual library. Oft-times, one would stumble upon a random, unknown, track on a CD, that would blow you outta the water & change your life in good ways. That's an old timey occurrence known as "serendipity," and the subject of a subsequent blog post.  CD's were replaced in the early 21st c. by iPods... created by the evil empire of Apple, who would allow you to "rent" but not own the music you  purchased http://www.bythom.com/apple.htm.  Stupid conspicuously consuming cows would pay Apple to "download" music to a computer, i.e. your virtual music "library." However, it was utterly impossible to transfer your music library from one computer to another.

*Vinyl:  Oh, if I only had "Sticky Fingers" on vinyl.  I have nothing to play these gems on.  Adore the scratches.  Reminiscent of hot and heavy make out sessions back in the day.  In addition to the benefits of CDs, vinyl lasts forever, unless you are a total retard and store them in your attic in South Florida (Fang). Vinyl refers to long playing records (LPs). Today new vinyl is pricey. Vinyl records are considered by audiophiles to be superior to CDs as they are "warmer" and more pleasant sounding than CDs. They are correct.