Lit up and listening to the Blues



Mame this is what I'm wearing to pick you up at the airport (above).
Please coordinate accordingly. 



Babs had an egregiously horrific day... i.e. couldn't stop crying at work... techno-thwartage sent me into a tailspin.  So how to offset a horrible day (had to use my new lacy shrug to sop up the snot)? 

1.  RETAIL THERAPY!!
I purchased matching dresses for Mame and me (lil' sis) to sport over the holidays.

When we were the adored, spoiled, and pampered only children, (prior to the addition in rapid succession of 5 screaming, pooping, puking babies to our happy family) our mother used to dress us in matching dresses ala Sally Draper (see below), and we thought we'd resurrect the whimsy and see what the response is..."I plead guilty your honor of trying to attract attention."



"Hey let's go bike riding, drink from the hose, listen to the Beatles in my basement, and play Barbie."

2.  BLOG... I'll keep you posted on the shenanigans of Mame and Babs as they cut a (possibly ridiculous) swath across Tampa Bay in their matching ghetto fabulous ensembles over the Holidays.  Could be really cool or really queer. 

3.  CORK a bottle and listen to the Blues....

http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=84139820&ac=now

4.  TAKE a happy pill (just one) ...

And remember as Scarlett O'Hara always said "tomorrow is another day."
xoxo
Babs

Ready for your daily Tebow?

Congrats to my niece... "Wee Thread"

...who received her acceptance letter to the University of Michigan today!! How does it feel to be a Wolverine? You've worked your tail feather off to get here girl, enjoy the next four years in Ann Arbor!! You will have the time of your life!!! Auntie Babs is VERY proud of you!!!  P.S.  Auntie Babs will be visiting over the 4/20 weekend. 

Christmas at K-Mart

Sent to me from follower Kay.  Thanks Babe!!

Baby Jesus is coming...

...It's time to go to the grocery store.

Today's homage to Detroit, Michigan

From two of her most talented native sons, Iggy Pop & Jack White...


 and the inimitable...Ms.Patti Smith...

Baby Bea...

You need to mix your DNA up w/ the likes of this holy roller.  I'm feeling a Holy Ghost picnic.  It's time we accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior...
Love,
--Big Bea Your Mom.

Not Pants

Better than a happy pill...Miss Nancy Sinatra

Two Fab Movies showing at the Tampa Theatre over the fortnight (did I use that correctly?).

Sunday 12/11/11.  Meet in the Lobby at 7:10 p.m. for 7:30 p.m. show. 

Monday 12/26/11.  Meet in the Lobby at 7:10 p.m. for the 7:30 p.m. show.

Hatebook...a new kind of social network.

 

Instead of "friending" people, you "hate" them.  I think there is great potential in this idea.  Mark Zuckerberg, or the Winklenvi, give Babs a jingle. 

Just think of the possibilities...ex-husbands, boyfriends, bosses, corporations, nations, religions, the devil, nazis, clowns, the Kardashians...  even my all time favorite DICK...

http://youtu.be/0k5fHtC1ScM

Compliments of the Board of Trade, c. 1900

Escape from the Facebook nation...

 

The honeymoon with Facebook continues.  But I must resist the urge to snark...so I shall do so here.  You don't mind do you? 

WTF?  Snow in Michigan.  People digging it?  Bullshit, they lie like rugs.  "Oh it's so fun to build a bunny hill with the kids?"  Cue Seth Green "Really?"

It's 60 degrees here tonight and I'm shivering like Michael J. Fox with the D.T.s. It's time to break out the electric blanket, the space heater, silk balaclava, and a small side of caviar and crackers. "Oh it's so fun to get under the blanket with my new favorite twist off bottle." 

"Really!"

P.S.  To a certain loyal follower in Miami...are you really sure about that move back to Ohio?

Remember how He upset the money changers in the temple?

Amen!!

Not to worry folks, I'm still the world's worst Catholic-- twice excommunicated and burned at the stake by proxy via registered mail. Yet, I know in my heart, that this horrid rampant big box consumerism is not what Baby Jesus wants on his birthday.

Think "Mom and Pop" shops and local sustainability when looking for that perfect Christmas gift for me.

Better yet, knit me some squares so I can outdo the bee-atches in my knitting club.
http://www.knit-a-square.com/knit-a-squillion.html.

How did they get all of my e-harmony matches in one location?

Baby B and me watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade:

B: "Matt Lauer looks like a mouse on chemotherapy."
Big B: "Ha. WTF? Who are theses 610 Stompers?"
B: "Hey Mom, it's all of your e-harmony matches."

RIP Michael Hutchence

14 years ago today we lost one of the most talented, handsome, and true rock stars of his age...the  late, great Michael Hutchence.

His voice was of magnificent timber, and so emotive, his song writing unparalleled-- genius to be exact.  The vacuum he left in INXS has never been filled.

I've never quite gotten over it.  May we all take a moment to remember this tormented genius of the genre we love.  His work and memories remain with us forever...

Force of Nature

Heroine Addiction

Jane by the pool.

Howard Jacobson*, winner of the Man-Booker Prize, describes himself as a "Jewish Jane Austen." Howard Jacobson's* 5 favorite literary heroines:

Persuasion by Jane Austen (Dover, $2.50). I suffer from heroine addiction. The novels that moved me most as a young man were always about women in whom the desire to be treated justly, to be acknowledged, and to find fulfillment in love burns like a fire, and they remain my favorites to this day. Jane Austen possesses the power to make you feel as you read that nothing else matters in the world but the happiness of her heroines. Anne Elliot's happiness hangs by a thread in Persuasion, and the reader knows no peace until it is secured.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë (Dover, $3.50). Jane Eyre ranks at the top among all 19th-century English heroines. I've recently seen Cary Fukunaga's new film adaptation, and was reminded how passionately principled, articulate, and marvelously angry this novel is.

Middlemarch by George Eliot (Signet, $8). Whatever conventional fulfillment she finds, Dorothea Brooke's intellectual and moral restlessness remains ungratified. Eliot's book is a towering tragedy of frustration, in which individual ambition is forever stifled by the small-mindedness of society.

Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens (Modern Library, $10). Dickens' novel about a girl who grew up in debtors prison is funnier than Middlemarch but just as searching. It's another all-encompassing narrative — about the fragility of happiness and about modest goodness seeking to stay afloat in a sea of folly, cynicism, faintheartedness, and greed.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy (Dover, $5). The great novel of the senses and the heart that no other 19th-century novelist quite managed to write. That Tolstoy himself set out to write a moral tract warning against adultery only goes to prove D.H. Lawrence's dictum: Never trust the teller, trust the tale. Or, to put it another way, if it's truth you want, then go to art, not religion or ideology.

Occupy USF-- "We can do anything baby..."

Fifteen Florida Cemeteries

Hey hep cats & kittens, just cuz you find yourself in reduced circumstances doesn't mean you don't need and deserve some vacation time. Babs and Ms. Vicki have now embarked in full force on the following tour:



Our first stop was in Micanopy.  Now I'm not sayin' that anybody inadvertently backed over a headstone or fell into a fresh grave, but we did have a spooktacular time...

Micanopy Cemetery 10/29/11.  Photo Courtesy of Ms. Vicki.

Do you like graveyards? I do. On vacation, I always make it a point to take in at least one historical cemetery. In a world composed of furious nanosecond sound bytes, a cemetery offers peace, reflection, and literary pause.

If you are of like mind, and/or perhaps had, or have an imaginary friend (you are whimsical), and you have a nice rainy Sunday to tuck in...please read "The Graveyard Book."

This read is worth it alone for the catalog of tombstone epithets that the author uses to introduce characters to his readers. BTW, most of the characters happen to be dead.

--Lost to All But Memory
--Swans Sing Before they Die
--Who did no harm to no man all the days of her life. Reader, can you say likewise?
--What she spent is lost, what she gave remains with her always.
--Reader be Charitable.
--Deeply regretted by all who knew him.
--Traveler Lay Down Thy Staff
--Laugh

The "Graveyard Book" will cause you to "Momento Mori" (remember your death) but most of all encourage you to "see the world...get into trouble. Get out of trouble again. Visit jungles and volcanoes and deserts and islands. And people-- meet an awful lot of people."

Honoring the Veteran's of 1st Recon Battalion USMC during the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

What would Jesus buy?

http://www.revbilly.com/

Why did we have to part?

Buy Nothing Day is your special day to unshop, unspend and unwind. Relax and do nothing for the economy and for yourself - at least for a single day.

"What's greater than God, more evil than the devil, the rich need it, the poor have it, and if you eat it, you die?"
the answer........ "nothing." :)

http://www.nothing.net/deult.html

Facebook Blows...

...not really. 

I fervently wanted to hate this product, and came on-board kicking and screaming.  But after a week, I must say, I've kind of had fun.  I'm still getting my sea legs, but here are some ettiquette tips for the Book of Face:

• Try not to be too snarky.  Face is a pretend land of puppies, kittens, and babies.  Save your snarkiness for real life or your blog.
• Don't drunk Facebook....I awoke this morning aghast at what I'd done...

• Avoid conversations on the douchiness of the Confederate Flag, reinstating the Pope as the head of the Church of England, and personal unresolved "Mommy" issues when the world knows this crap is spewing forth from your actual mouth. It could explain the sticks of dynamite rubber banded w/my morning newspaper. 
• For the love of God people, DO NOT post the following as your profile picture:  The Blessed Sacrament, the Tasmanian devil, your kid, your dog, a fat bottomed girl (you know who you are), a picture of you in a previous decade...what are you hiding?
• And lastly, give it up, and get over yo bad sef, there ain't no secrets on the Book of Face.  

I'm in love...

I may have to sell my soul.

If you can't Occupy Wall Street, keep Wall Street occupied!

The message I'm printing off and putting in my envelopes is:

"Hello Big Bank Clerk.  Join a Union today."

Orlando Calling...Veteran's Day Weekend!!

48 Laws of Power

 

Did you ever notice how sometimes the right book comes along at the right time? I bought this book way back in '01, almost as a joke--it was so politically incorrect, but mostly for the stellar historical references-- remember, he who forgets the past is destined to repeat it. Little did I realize this tome was to become one of the most dog-eared and spine-cracked books in my collection. 

Initially, I was trying to make sense of the havoc that schemers and liars were wreaking upon me. I used to be naive & innocent... kinda. But then I started relying on some, but not all, of the laws to survive and thrive. Some great lessons from this book:

1. Learn to control your emotions.

2. Contingency. Flexibility. Have a "Plan B."

3. Learn from your past.

4. Life is a game, don't take it personally.

What I can't seem to learn is how to conceal my intentions, and play the role of a "courtier." That said, I can unconditionally and unequivocally recommend this book, just for the mini liberal arts "Western Civ" education you'll receive. Read it, you'll have some good conversation at random water coolers and cocktail parties, you might even score a spot on Jeopardy, but you'll definitely kick some poor, weak, sots ass at Trivial Pursuit.

For more book reviews by Babs visit: http://www.goodreads.com/group/bookshelf/50153.Simma_Down_Now_with_a_book_Summer_reading_program_2011_?shelf=read

Great music from Australia...

Sent to Babs from a Luddite Aussie reader...Thank you my dear.



"We'll call her Nebraska, Nebraska Jones..."

Egad Mormon Underwear.

As a cultural Catholic, I will admit we indeed have some weird shit... i.e. stigmata, self-flagellation, and our own special garment known as the "hair shirt." That said, the Mormons have us beat, hands down, with their magic "underwear."

Is this shit made in China? Please see the video below for clarification.

What happens if you get caught NOT wearing the special underwear? Do they shun you? Burn you at the stake? Make you go live in Las Vegas?

Say it ain't so Brandon Flowers...please tell me you're not wearing that funky ole timey underwear under those fine black jeans...

Kent Rocks!!

Named after his Mom's favorite smoke during her pregnancy (I couldn't make that up), Kent (glad he's not Tarreyton or Kool) my awesome brother-in-law has done it again.  His photo is one of the finalists for the "America the Beautiful" Alaska quarter.

http://www.cm-life.com/2011/10/24/photojournalism-professors-photograph-a-finalist-for-alaskan-america-the-beautiful-quarter/


My sketch of Alaska the Beautiful didn't even warrant a thank you from the U.S.  Mint.  Note the hootch on the snow plow drivers seat.  I thought that was pretty funny. 

  

Happy Birthday Emmy Eiderdown

Happy birthday to the most finely pickled gal of the class of '74... Emmy Eiderdown.  Beautiful, funny, smart, loyal, and one of the greatest accomplishments of my life, i.e. she's still my friend after nearly 4 decades.

To honor or diss(honor) the occasion below please find the fellas of the class of 1974 from Emmy's yearbook...

Then, and...

Now.

To channel a little bit of how it felt like to be 18 years old in the great American rust belt of 1974...

"I gotta get outta this place..."
Happy Birthday Em!!

I quit drinking...

 

WHAT???  A week, two days, 15 hours, and 9 minutes ago. 

WHY???    Recovery time.  Like sands through the hourglass....I'm running out of it.

HOW I FEEL?  Like shit.  Way too good.

HOW I LOOK?  Like shit.  Eyes swollen with dark bags underneath.  My liver's not used to all this clean living. 

WHAT MY FRIENDS ARE SAYING (behind my back):  Bitch be a bore.
WHAT MY FRIENDS ARE SAYING (to my face):  Bitch, when are you gonna start drinking again? 
WHAT MY CHILDREN ARE SAYING:  Who are you?  and where have you taken our mother?

"You love money and power and capitalism? You know they're never going to love you back... " --From the musical Annie

This adorable red-head in the video below is Babs' brilliant niece.  She's gonna be a star someday...


Babs could've played Miss Hanigan...

Occupy Wall Street Library.

Visit the People's Library @:
http://peopleslibrary.wordpress.com/

Watch out greedy publishers.  We're coming to get you.  Knowledge should be FREE and FREELY SHARED!!!

Good Manners Open All Doors



On the happy occasion of William & Kate's wedding, we passed around and signed a .99 cent wedding card, posted same, and forgot about it.  Until today.  Postmistress Vicki received the following in today's mail from Buckingham Palace.

Needless to say, we were thrilled to have been acknowledged-- right down to the very tips of our Revolutionary red toes.  Wall Street and the Romanovs should have read that page in the ettiquette book on saying thank you.  Obviously the Windsors know the power of good manners.



Hamlet

Kay and I had the great good fortune of seeing Hamlet today at the RIAF.  In a very unconventional version of the play, the words of the Bard resonated across the centuries, to keep us literally on the edge of our seats until the very end. 

I must say I really enjoyed the choreography of the sword fight, and the actors were wonderful...all had beautifully hypnotic speaking voices.

There are so many powerful soliloquies.  But tonight I will leave you with this...

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
--Hamlet, scene ii

Occupy Tampa- "For the Union men & women standing up & standing strong."

"Dirty scabs will cross the line while others stand aside and look…but ain’t nobody never got nothing’ that didn’t raise their voice and push.“

I am totally committed to OccupyTampa.org, but people 9:00 a.m. on Saturday?  I have a late morning spa appointment, then lunch with chums at locavore bistro, whilst the Saab is being detailed.  Couldn't the Revolution be scheduled for later in the day?

Junior Leaguers learn "recession chic"

After

Junior Leaguers take lead to reshape how community defines and deals with poverty

Monday 10/10/11
St. Pete Times
guest columnist Babs D. Bitch

Before

A “Poverty Simulation” event will be held Tuesday 10/11/11 to educate Junior League members in the Tampa Bay area on what it’s like to live in impoverished circumstances.


The event will take place from 9 a.m. – 2 p.m. at the St. Petersburg Yacht Club.  Participants will discuss  "recession chic," that will be the highlight of this month's Fashion Week in New York.  Proceeds will go to the "bed bug infestation" project which will de-louse all new residents to Bay Area homeless shelters.

League president "Muffy" Martha van Wiffenpoofil, notes "it's no longer cool to be rich.  We're going to teach our members how to channel 'recession chic,' with the latest offerings from the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen collection available at Nieman Marcus in International Plaza. Come fall, fashion will follow the downward spiral of home values and investment portfolios, as designers embrace restraint with a dark palette and a severe moth-eaten silhouette " 

In this hands on workshop gals will learn how to accessorize and add layering for that 'just right' panhandling look. 

At the event, play money, props, fictional scenarios and time limits will be used to simulate situations with a lack of money, a ton of stress, enabling local Junior Leaguers  to take on the roles of single-parent families, elderly persons living alone,  and unemployed heads of households, and best of yet...dress the part!

Breakout sessions include:
"Downgrading your Beemer from leather to pleather."
"From Manalos to Payless."
"From Sax to Kohl's " 
"Dumpster Diving for Family Fun."
"Bye to beluga, hello to cocktail weenies."
"Replace your Glen Livett with Mad Dog."
  
The event is by invitation only to current and sustaining League members.   For further information on tickets call Goody van der Luyden at 813-666-7734.

"Redefining baby bump in week 33"

Sent: Thursday, September 29, 2011 8:53 AM
To: Babs The Bitch
From:  Postmistress Vicki
Dear Babs:

Here’s Heather doing her yoga pose last weekend. She’s only got about another 5 weeks to go. I’m going up next weekend for her baby shower.

To:  Postmistress Vicki
From:  Babs The Bitch
Ick Vick....that's disturbing.  She should not be doing that. If my grandmother wasn't dead, she would pass out if she could see that. I bet that frickin hurts the baby, and promotes stretch marks. Call me old school, but that’s just not right.
Your forthright friend,
Babs

To:  Heather
From :  Postmistress Vicki
Hi Heather:
My friend Babs wanted me to make sure you got her thoughts on your yoga pose.  Btw, Babs can't do yoga as it makes her fart!
me (your Mom)

To:  Postmistress Vicki
From:  Heather
Subject: Re: FW: redefining baby bump in week 33
Vicki:
Tell Babs to shut up, get a real name, and stop living in fear.

To:  Heather
Cc:  Postmistress Vicki
From:  Babs the Bitch
Ha! Regarding names... Heather, Babs was a Saint, while Heather’s merely a fugly weed that grows in Scotland.  Also Saint Babs is invoked against lightning strikes and sudden death, so baby girl, you better start giving your mother the props she deserves (start by calling her "Mom" better yet, "Mother dearest"...as you are not her equal).  And just for the record, Babs does yoga.  See below:

George Harrison on HBO

RIP Steve Jobs

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose....There is no reason not to follow your heart. ... Stay hungry. Stay foolish."
    Steve Jobs
-- Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

"Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

--Apple Advertisement

52 year old sleeps with his mom and dad?

Dear Miz Emmy:
I work with a 52-year-old guy-- eloquent, witty, with two advanced professional degrees, who spends untold hours kvetching and wasting my time on the fact that he doesn't get play with the ladies.

Said dude lives at home with his Mom and Dad, which I think is bogus. Dude claims it's part of his "cultural" tradition, right, if being a goddamn cheapskate is part of your cultural tradition.

Anywho, guy's parents are footing the bill for him and his sister and brother-in-law to join them on a Christmas Cruise. Is it just me, or is it beyond weird that Mr. Cheap will be bunking on the pull-out cot in his parents' cabin? Suffice it to say, unless he removes batteries from Ma and Pa's hearing aids, he ain't gone get no play...but I think this borders on mildly ill. What if Ma and Pa want to get it on after winning the limbo contest for seniors? Is Pa going to hang his regimental rep tie on the cabin door?

Your thoughts. Can you bitch slap this dude for me? Maybe he'll listen to you Miz Emmy, get laid, and leave me alone...
     -Perplexed Pal

Dear Pal:
Unless he is changing their diapers and spoon-feeding them pureed bananas, Dude has no business living with his parents at age 52. It's his "cultural tradition" to be a pussy? He needs to step up to the plate, and prove he's a self-sufficient adult capable of providing his own food and shelter, before any woman is ever going to give him a second glance. Tight-wad, mooch, hanger-on -- are these the descriptions that induce the feminine heart to flutter? Certainly not.

And a grown man bunking with his parents on a cruise is nothing short of embarrassing. I am certain that when dude's parents made the offer, they were hoping that he would pony up the dough for his own digs, and save Dad from having to trip over his son's cheap ass every time he gets up in the night to shake hands with the Pope. And the woman Dude has been plying with Cosmos all night will definitely not be impressed when she is led to his room to discover the aging roommates, and is told, "Don't worry -- I stuffed their ears with cotton balls and put benadryl in their tea; they won't even know what's happening!" Talk about romantic...... I'm with you on this one, Pal.
     -Miz Emmy

Historic choke to celebrate the historic choke.

I am firmly convinced that the Rays win only, and only if, I am knitting, not watching the game-- just knitting.  With out fail, if I deign to stop to look up at the TV-- action on the field stops or, the balls go loosey goosey, or the other team scores (don't you adore baseball lingo?). 

This has been my knitting output during the last two games with the evil Yankee empire.  I axe you, wtf am I going to do with this 12 foot long furry angora scarf in Florida?  Yea, yea, I can here the chorus of my sibs now "go hang yourself with that fugly scarf."  Hey folks...coming to a Xmas tree near you...

When Jeter was at bat my needles would spark and fly with righteous indignation if not seething anger.  Honest to God, I just hate that dude's cocky swagger, hauteur, and his "assume the position" batting stance. 

For those of you who can read, below is a good recap of the night of baseball, which can only be described as Shakespearean in scope. BTW, written by Bay City, MI homeboy.  http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/tampa-bay-rays-boston-red-sox-fates-converge-last-night-of-mlb-regular-season-decide-al-wild-card-with-historic-choke-092811

For many of you who can't or won't read the video below sums it all up pretty well. FYI, I'm dating the tall one.


P.S. To the righteous and opinionated Mr. Parker Stone, & my readers in the UK & Oz who look down their noses at baseball as akin to watching paint dry...fuck you and kiss my ass. Have at it y'all, with your extreme frisbee and uber boring soccer. Oops aren't those games for 6th grade boys and 4th grade girls respectively? Jus sayin'.

ABBY*

Any Body But the Yankees

I hate the Yankees thru and thru...
I hate the Yankees, yes I do.

Babs hates the Yankees just because...
Fang loves the Yankees, yes he does.

Jeter is a cheater yes he is...
A-Rod be a juicer, test his piz.

Jesus hates the Yankees yes he do...
Even though Koufax, he was a Jew.

My dad hates the Yankees I think he would...
If rise from up from the dead, I think he could.

I hate the Yankees thru and thru...
I hate the Yankees, yes I do.

Go Rays!!!

--Babs

Practice makes perfect?

Happy Autumnal Equinox Fellow Druids!!

Two of my favorite September songs.

The "Grab Life by the Balls" Bill

Doing my patriotic duty since 1974.  Can you say the same?

To juice or not to juice? That is the question...

Dear Followers:

Yay or Nay on "juicing" (you know, that little blue pill)? Please watch the video below, then comment and/or vote in the poll on the sidebar.

I don't waste one nanosecond of my precious time trying to change someone elses mind on ANYTHING (perhaps with the exception of potentially offing me or mine). Why?

1) I don't care what you think.
2) I don't care what you think of what I think.
3) When someone tells me what to think, I immediately think just the opposite.
4) Wayyy too much work!!

That said, I will give you my personal opinion about the little blue pill...fellas stop trying so hard (ha ha!). If you gotta juice,"you're not getting in."

Sad, sorry, world of online dating.

 These are actual real life photos that I have received via e-Harmony. 

What I asked for...




What I got. "Hey fatso, I can't wait to get in your fucking PT cruiser and drive around with you."  WTF? 

 

What I asked for....



What I got.  "Hey fatso, those pleated trou make you look slim.  Who gets on top?"



365 days to a man...

Re-upped for 3 more months on e-Harmony.  I believe in posting an honest profile.   Avoids all that "getting to know you shit."  Frick, I'm so bored with my own story, I can barely stand to tell it again.  Honesty will ensure the dude "gets you," so as to avoid disappointment.  Below please find my profile, complete with "must haves" and "can't stands." 

The one thing I am most passionate about:
Me!!!
Basic Information:
Occupation: Advanced degree in dying profession.
Age: 55
Height: 5' 4"
Wants Kids: No, I hate kids.
Kids at Home: No, only my 2 grown children are allowed into my home.
Ethnicity: Freckled and White
Religion: Lapsed Catholic
Drinks: Several times a day
Smokes: Whenever I can get some good product.
My interests:
I typically spend my leisure time: Drinking & smoking.

The last book I read and enjoyed:  "What Would Keith Richards Do?"
According to my friends:
My friends describe me as:
A bitch
A mean drunk
A joke
The three things I can't live without are:
Sex
Drugs
Rock & Roll
The first thing people notice about me:
I swear like a sailor.
 
What are you looking for in a man?

This would be it!!!

Top Ten Must Haves:

1. At least 6' 0," 6' 2" and above preferred.
2. Lean and a little mean.
3. Know 'bogart' is a verb.
4. A job, so you're not bugging me all the time.
5. A straight non-juicer.
6. Use your blinker (i.e.turn signal).
7. Cool car. (Doesn't need to be new or fancy, just cool).
8. Like to listen to rock music really loud.
9. Reside in or will relocate to slacker paradise, i.e. State of Florida.
10. Know what the "oxford comma" is.

Top Ten Can't Stands:

1. Mimes.
2. Know-it-alls.
3. Gynecomastics/Fat fucks.
4. Making friends with the wait staff.
5. Guys named Dick, Bob, or Jerky.
6. Pug Nose.
7. Comb overs, rugs, dyed hair.
8. Golfers.
9. Member of the Nascar Nation.
10. TEA-TOTALLERS NEED NOT APPLY!!!

So there you have it, a peek inside Babs' gentle soul.  Tomorrow I will share with you the actual matches that the retard e-Harmony computer/robot is sending me.

The Bitch is Back!!

Bitch had to go underground for awhile. But I'm back, bitchier than ever, after having returned from a vacation with my sister Jane.

Jane I'm gonna throw that fucking smart phone o' yours in the ocean!! AND WTF? A 25-mile bike ride on a 97-degree day? Jane, next year on your holiday, just check into a concentration camp.

And since when don't you eat leftovers? "I take good food that I've paid for and throw it out?" Don't you remember your starving student days dumpster diving at the University of Mott the Hoople?

Glad I parked my lazy ass at the pool. I think I met my future ex-husband.