Bitch had to go underground for awhile. But I'm back, bitchier than ever, after having returned from a vacation with my sister Jane.
Jane I'm gonna throw that fucking smart phone o' yours in the ocean!! AND WTF? A 25-mile bike ride on a 97-degree day? Jane, next year on your holiday, just check into a concentration camp.
And since when don't you eat leftovers? "I take good food that I've paid for and throw it out?" Don't you remember your starving student days dumpster diving at the University of Mott the Hoople?
Glad I parked my lazy ass at the pool. I think I met my future ex-husband.
Sounds like you still had a good time. I'd definitely be planning my revenge for that bike ride, though, if one of my sisters had done that... :/
ReplyDeleteOh Claire, puh-lease do you think Babs went on that bike ride? NFW!! And Jane had to pay for the honor of that torture. The only kinda working I do on vacation (or otherwise) is on my tan.
ReplyDeletePhew! Obviously, I misunderstood. Makes much more sense now. Good girl! :D
ReplyDeleteYea, and check this out Claire... Jane had to move to another hotel, as the "pool was too warm." She made a big stink of it-- called Best Western customer service in the Punjab and they were querulous if not flummoxed...these were their exact words "ma'am do you travel with a thermometer?." I shit you not, I couldn't make this up. Jane packed up her belongings and groceries in a huff and moved 4 properties down the beach. It was before I got there with my car, so she had to schlep all her belongings in a hobo stick walking down the street. Hilarious to ponder. Thank God she brought along her own "hair shirt super picky" towels from Mich., or she would've made housekeepings' life a pure hell. Love ya Jane!! You're NUTS!!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a Kodak moment to me. :D
ReplyDeleteIt's only gonna get worse as she gets older. Plus she spent a lot of time in her room watching "Everybody Loves Raymond," "Full House," "Hillbilly Hand Fishing," and the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." I think this happens when a gal is menopausal w/kids & a husband in diapers. "Do I spend the money on groceries, nappies, xanax, or vodka?" Daily decisions like these tend to cause mental unhinging. Plus she had to go to court for one of her divorce clients this week who was fighting over the backyard clothesline. This indeed, will tend to exact a toll.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... a sister who lives a life filled with drama. Where have I heard that before? Oh, I remember! We have one of those in my family, too!
ReplyDeleteThis is too funny!! I'm not kidding when I say our totally dysfunctional fam (whom I heart very dearly) could have a reality show. We then could be the show that gals on holiday watch!
ReplyDeleteOh, Madge, sweetie, I can relate. However, most of the 'dysfunction' in my family comes from one person. However, she's REALLY good at it.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see the Bitch is back! You were missed.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kay, you just can't keep a good bitch down.
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