48 Laws of Power

 

Did you ever notice how sometimes the right book comes along at the right time? I bought this book way back in '01, almost as a joke--it was so politically incorrect, but mostly for the stellar historical references-- remember, he who forgets the past is destined to repeat it. Little did I realize this tome was to become one of the most dog-eared and spine-cracked books in my collection. 

Initially, I was trying to make sense of the havoc that schemers and liars were wreaking upon me. I used to be naive & innocent... kinda. But then I started relying on some, but not all, of the laws to survive and thrive. Some great lessons from this book:

1. Learn to control your emotions.

2. Contingency. Flexibility. Have a "Plan B."

3. Learn from your past.

4. Life is a game, don't take it personally.

What I can't seem to learn is how to conceal my intentions, and play the role of a "courtier." That said, I can unconditionally and unequivocally recommend this book, just for the mini liberal arts "Western Civ" education you'll receive. Read it, you'll have some good conversation at random water coolers and cocktail parties, you might even score a spot on Jeopardy, but you'll definitely kick some poor, weak, sots ass at Trivial Pursuit.

For more book reviews by Babs visit: http://www.goodreads.com/group/bookshelf/50153.Simma_Down_Now_with_a_book_Summer_reading_program_2011_?shelf=read

Great music from Australia...

Sent to Babs from a Luddite Aussie reader...Thank you my dear.



"We'll call her Nebraska, Nebraska Jones..."

Egad Mormon Underwear.

As a cultural Catholic, I will admit we indeed have some weird shit... i.e. stigmata, self-flagellation, and our own special garment known as the "hair shirt." That said, the Mormons have us beat, hands down, with their magic "underwear."

Is this shit made in China? Please see the video below for clarification.

What happens if you get caught NOT wearing the special underwear? Do they shun you? Burn you at the stake? Make you go live in Las Vegas?

Say it ain't so Brandon Flowers...please tell me you're not wearing that funky ole timey underwear under those fine black jeans...

Kent Rocks!!

Named after his Mom's favorite smoke during her pregnancy (I couldn't make that up), Kent (glad he's not Tarreyton or Kool) my awesome brother-in-law has done it again.  His photo is one of the finalists for the "America the Beautiful" Alaska quarter.

http://www.cm-life.com/2011/10/24/photojournalism-professors-photograph-a-finalist-for-alaskan-america-the-beautiful-quarter/


My sketch of Alaska the Beautiful didn't even warrant a thank you from the U.S.  Mint.  Note the hootch on the snow plow drivers seat.  I thought that was pretty funny. 

  

Happy Birthday Emmy Eiderdown

Happy birthday to the most finely pickled gal of the class of '74... Emmy Eiderdown.  Beautiful, funny, smart, loyal, and one of the greatest accomplishments of my life, i.e. she's still my friend after nearly 4 decades.

To honor or diss(honor) the occasion below please find the fellas of the class of 1974 from Emmy's yearbook...

Then, and...

Now.

To channel a little bit of how it felt like to be 18 years old in the great American rust belt of 1974...

"I gotta get outta this place..."
Happy Birthday Em!!

I quit drinking...

 

WHAT???  A week, two days, 15 hours, and 9 minutes ago. 

WHY???    Recovery time.  Like sands through the hourglass....I'm running out of it.

HOW I FEEL?  Like shit.  Way too good.

HOW I LOOK?  Like shit.  Eyes swollen with dark bags underneath.  My liver's not used to all this clean living. 

WHAT MY FRIENDS ARE SAYING (behind my back):  Bitch be a bore.
WHAT MY FRIENDS ARE SAYING (to my face):  Bitch, when are you gonna start drinking again? 
WHAT MY CHILDREN ARE SAYING:  Who are you?  and where have you taken our mother?

"You love money and power and capitalism? You know they're never going to love you back... " --From the musical Annie

This adorable red-head in the video below is Babs' brilliant niece.  She's gonna be a star someday...


Babs could've played Miss Hanigan...

Occupy Wall Street Library.

Visit the People's Library @:
http://peopleslibrary.wordpress.com/

Watch out greedy publishers.  We're coming to get you.  Knowledge should be FREE and FREELY SHARED!!!

Good Manners Open All Doors



On the happy occasion of William & Kate's wedding, we passed around and signed a .99 cent wedding card, posted same, and forgot about it.  Until today.  Postmistress Vicki received the following in today's mail from Buckingham Palace.

Needless to say, we were thrilled to have been acknowledged-- right down to the very tips of our Revolutionary red toes.  Wall Street and the Romanovs should have read that page in the ettiquette book on saying thank you.  Obviously the Windsors know the power of good manners.



Hamlet

Kay and I had the great good fortune of seeing Hamlet today at the RIAF.  In a very unconventional version of the play, the words of the Bard resonated across the centuries, to keep us literally on the edge of our seats until the very end. 

I must say I really enjoyed the choreography of the sword fight, and the actors were wonderful...all had beautifully hypnotic speaking voices.

There are so many powerful soliloquies.  But tonight I will leave you with this...

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
--Hamlet, scene ii

Occupy Tampa- "For the Union men & women standing up & standing strong."

"Dirty scabs will cross the line while others stand aside and look…but ain’t nobody never got nothing’ that didn’t raise their voice and push.“

I am totally committed to OccupyTampa.org, but people 9:00 a.m. on Saturday?  I have a late morning spa appointment, then lunch with chums at locavore bistro, whilst the Saab is being detailed.  Couldn't the Revolution be scheduled for later in the day?

Junior Leaguers learn "recession chic"

After

Junior Leaguers take lead to reshape how community defines and deals with poverty

Monday 10/10/11
St. Pete Times
guest columnist Babs D. Bitch

Before

A “Poverty Simulation” event will be held Tuesday 10/11/11 to educate Junior League members in the Tampa Bay area on what it’s like to live in impoverished circumstances.


The event will take place from 9 a.m. – 2 p.m. at the St. Petersburg Yacht Club.  Participants will discuss  "recession chic," that will be the highlight of this month's Fashion Week in New York.  Proceeds will go to the "bed bug infestation" project which will de-louse all new residents to Bay Area homeless shelters.

League president "Muffy" Martha van Wiffenpoofil, notes "it's no longer cool to be rich.  We're going to teach our members how to channel 'recession chic,' with the latest offerings from the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen collection available at Nieman Marcus in International Plaza. Come fall, fashion will follow the downward spiral of home values and investment portfolios, as designers embrace restraint with a dark palette and a severe moth-eaten silhouette " 

In this hands on workshop gals will learn how to accessorize and add layering for that 'just right' panhandling look. 

At the event, play money, props, fictional scenarios and time limits will be used to simulate situations with a lack of money, a ton of stress, enabling local Junior Leaguers  to take on the roles of single-parent families, elderly persons living alone,  and unemployed heads of households, and best of yet...dress the part!

Breakout sessions include:
"Downgrading your Beemer from leather to pleather."
"From Manalos to Payless."
"From Sax to Kohl's " 
"Dumpster Diving for Family Fun."
"Bye to beluga, hello to cocktail weenies."
"Replace your Glen Livett with Mad Dog."
  
The event is by invitation only to current and sustaining League members.   For further information on tickets call Goody van der Luyden at 813-666-7734.

"Redefining baby bump in week 33"

Sent: Thursday, September 29, 2011 8:53 AM
To: Babs The Bitch
From:  Postmistress Vicki
Dear Babs:

Here’s Heather doing her yoga pose last weekend. She’s only got about another 5 weeks to go. I’m going up next weekend for her baby shower.

To:  Postmistress Vicki
From:  Babs The Bitch
Ick Vick....that's disturbing.  She should not be doing that. If my grandmother wasn't dead, she would pass out if she could see that. I bet that frickin hurts the baby, and promotes stretch marks. Call me old school, but that’s just not right.
Your forthright friend,
Babs

To:  Heather
From :  Postmistress Vicki
Hi Heather:
My friend Babs wanted me to make sure you got her thoughts on your yoga pose.  Btw, Babs can't do yoga as it makes her fart!
me (your Mom)

To:  Postmistress Vicki
From:  Heather
Subject: Re: FW: redefining baby bump in week 33
Vicki:
Tell Babs to shut up, get a real name, and stop living in fear.

To:  Heather
Cc:  Postmistress Vicki
From:  Babs the Bitch
Ha! Regarding names... Heather, Babs was a Saint, while Heather’s merely a fugly weed that grows in Scotland.  Also Saint Babs is invoked against lightning strikes and sudden death, so baby girl, you better start giving your mother the props she deserves (start by calling her "Mom" better yet, "Mother dearest"...as you are not her equal).  And just for the record, Babs does yoga.  See below:

George Harrison on HBO

RIP Steve Jobs

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose....There is no reason not to follow your heart. ... Stay hungry. Stay foolish."
    Steve Jobs
-- Stanford University commencement address, June 2005

"Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

--Apple Advertisement

52 year old sleeps with his mom and dad?

Dear Miz Emmy:
I work with a 52-year-old guy-- eloquent, witty, with two advanced professional degrees, who spends untold hours kvetching and wasting my time on the fact that he doesn't get play with the ladies.

Said dude lives at home with his Mom and Dad, which I think is bogus. Dude claims it's part of his "cultural" tradition, right, if being a goddamn cheapskate is part of your cultural tradition.

Anywho, guy's parents are footing the bill for him and his sister and brother-in-law to join them on a Christmas Cruise. Is it just me, or is it beyond weird that Mr. Cheap will be bunking on the pull-out cot in his parents' cabin? Suffice it to say, unless he removes batteries from Ma and Pa's hearing aids, he ain't gone get no play...but I think this borders on mildly ill. What if Ma and Pa want to get it on after winning the limbo contest for seniors? Is Pa going to hang his regimental rep tie on the cabin door?

Your thoughts. Can you bitch slap this dude for me? Maybe he'll listen to you Miz Emmy, get laid, and leave me alone...
     -Perplexed Pal

Dear Pal:
Unless he is changing their diapers and spoon-feeding them pureed bananas, Dude has no business living with his parents at age 52. It's his "cultural tradition" to be a pussy? He needs to step up to the plate, and prove he's a self-sufficient adult capable of providing his own food and shelter, before any woman is ever going to give him a second glance. Tight-wad, mooch, hanger-on -- are these the descriptions that induce the feminine heart to flutter? Certainly not.

And a grown man bunking with his parents on a cruise is nothing short of embarrassing. I am certain that when dude's parents made the offer, they were hoping that he would pony up the dough for his own digs, and save Dad from having to trip over his son's cheap ass every time he gets up in the night to shake hands with the Pope. And the woman Dude has been plying with Cosmos all night will definitely not be impressed when she is led to his room to discover the aging roommates, and is told, "Don't worry -- I stuffed their ears with cotton balls and put benadryl in their tea; they won't even know what's happening!" Talk about romantic...... I'm with you on this one, Pal.
     -Miz Emmy