Canada is Cool

To my dear readers in Florida, et orbi:

As I post this blog, we finally breathe a sigh of relief.  No, that infernal Casey Anthony trial isn't over, but the sun has, in real time, set on this-- the longest, but not the hottest frickin' day of the year--The Summer Solstice.  Goddamn it, global warming is costing me major coin.  To wit:  My car battery died due to the heat, likewise my key fob remote battery-- not to mention, my hearing aid, pace maker, and vibrator (Mr. Happy) batteries, respectively.

Today's blog inspiration came to me while indulging in the only daily discipline I practice--reading the stellar St. Pete Times* in print not online (won't you please add me to your blog roll, fellas?).  Being a creature of habit (some say retarded, I prefer "special," or Aspberger's Syndrome) I read my paper the same way daily.  Some people start with the lottery numbers... I...

• Start with the obituaries.  Maybe one day I'll see the names Fang Epstein or Priscilla Krass Epstein, there in tiny print.  I am delusional-- those two are way too cheap to buy an obituary in the newspaper.  Yet, hope springs eternal.   
• Then onto the "hard news...."  the Leo horoscope...roar girls  (Cougars and baby Minx alike).
• Followed by the Florida weather (easy reading even when hungover--sunny and warm).    

Ergo today's blog inspiration: 



Canada is cool!!  Like these shoes-- sexy but kinda sensible.

1.  Summertime Weather.  Back page, the forecast for Florida predicted  temperatures soaring close to 100 F today.  In Canada forecasts looked something like this: (international readers, you will have to use your government-subsidized slide rules to convert to the socialist, oops Celsius, system you insist on using:

• Vancouver 70 F.  Nice.
• Toronto 78 F.      Nicer.
• Montreal 79 F.     Nicest!!

2.  Page 3A: The "Hard-Rockin,' Tight-pant wearin' Canadian Mullets of the 80's Tour,"sponsored by Viagra and Cialis will be performing (maybe in rugs, be prepared for the worse gals and you won't be disappointed, ) at the Florida State Fairgrounds this weekend.  Quarter page ad!



3. Page 4A  "A request for help in growing reefer"  or "Canadians are kind folk"
"Nova Scotia's Community Services Department is wondering what's next. It was ordered by an appeals board to help a needy couple in the Canadian province improve their marijuana garden. The couple, whose names have not been made public, have permission to grow up to 25 plants for medical purposes, according to a Canadian Broadcast Corp. report. But the couple, who get income assistance from the government, can only afford to grow six plants — and sometimes run low on supplies. So the board ruled recently that the department should pay $2,500 to set up the full marijuana growing operation and $400 a year for supplies. A department spokeswoman said Monday that it is pondering the order."  --St. Pete Times, pg. 4A, June 21, 2011

In conclusion, reading the newspaper is good, and Canada does have it's faults-- #1: it's not the U.S. #2: Winter. #3: Metric System (Hello? Canada?  This is a collect call from 1974. Will you accept the charges?).  Okay, just sayin'.  God forbid I had to live anywhere else, (like if I got kicked out of the U.S.) it would probably be Canada as...

• They have a great dole.
•  I "get" hockey and curling (unlike baseball and football).
• They have a "Queen," but not really.
• Dad gum it, I got the accent down "real good," so much so that I could pass for an actual Canadian.
• They don't use that stupid pound Sterling system.
• They drive on the right side of the road, for the love of God. 
• After the hockey riots of last week, Canadians have made Americans feel a little less retarded about themselves on the world stage.

--xoxo,
Babs
*The only newspaper in the U.S. to increase it's circulation