Collard Green Virgin

Yummy.  I'm gonna have to plant me a mess o' this delicious green.

What a bit o' bacon grease, red onion, and sunflower seed can't do to make a roadside dandelion taste delish?

You might want to be gentle with yo bad sef and lose your virginity at Bailey's. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRF24LY5pvw

Tequila is good for you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFi6bfOKU0M&feature=email

Verily, verily, I say unto you...

Old friend, the Feckless Piker, a.k.a. Lord Polo (see above)...

...has gotten himself into some real, serious trouble.  He has gone and gotten himself all churched up-- way over the edge, and beyond churched up.  Dude's got a bad case of "Old Time Religion:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f68TdgErXkE&feature=related

Of course, all this has to do with a woman, and a Lutheran woman to boot.  Lord Polo doesn't leave his office without a Bible, has taken to thumping said book, all the while quoting scripture and verse, in an affected oratorical, sonorous style ala Oral Roberts meets Billy Graham.

I knew it was time to stage an intervention when he showed up for his shift at the Reference Desk sporting Tim Tebow-esque makeup.  But his friends are all too lazy to care.
 

He says his lady friend enjoys "a vigorous spiritual life."  I betcha she does ("oh God, oh God").  Lord Polo's gotten so all over this "being saved" crap that people are avoiding him more than usual--even more so than when he has chile for lunch on Wednesdays.

So verily, verily, I say unto you, let's hope this too shall pass, and he'll stop talking about heaven, and boring everybody silly with his godamn holiness.  See what happened Lord Polo to those Americans who were passing out Bibles from their yacht in Somalia?

Smote, smite, smitten!!!

Spanish Inquisition at BJ's

Feathering and provisioning nest for upcoming "Sister Reunion 2011."  Kept me outta trouble this weekend as I literally haven't washed a dish, nor picked up the floordrobe since the International Garage Dance Party. 

So after getting the ride all detailed...man do those car wash guys work hard (see sidebar musical selections), motored over to BJ's to top off tank with petrol and stock up on sundry product:

l-r Mexican Coke made w/real sugar, 1/2 g. Flora d'Cana, 3 made-in-America cheap, yet tasty whites, & picnic supplies.

Which augments what remains from Dance Party.

The following interchange transpired at checkout:

Gal at cash register:  "Having a party?"
Me:  "Yea, a sister reunion."
Gal:  "How many sisters do you have?"
Me:  "I've got 4, but just 1 is coming."
Gal:  "She coming for a long visit?"
Me:  I'm now starting to bristle, and thinking :  WTF bitch?  Have I asked you about those disconcerting rings through your nose and eyebrow, the gauged out ear, not to mention your offensive muffin top?
Me:  "Yea she's coming for 3 days, and we're going on a lot of picnics." thinking: MYOFB & back-off troll.    
Gal:  "Can I see your I.D.?"
Me:  thinking:  All is forgiven, isn't she just as cute as a button? 

Florida State Fair

Decided to play hookey from the sweat shop and get me a snort full o' Florida State Fair goodness on Wednesday.

You aren't a true Floridian unless you attend this annual super fest o' Americana, so it was my duty as a citizen to attend this hot steaming mess of a corn dog State Fair.

 

What a fabulous day!! Despite my Mom's best "Hyacinth Bucket" pose, there's a whole lot of carnie blood pumping in these veins. 

Whilst waiting on line for a ride on the Tilt a Whirl, who did I run into, but the Dean of Discipline, himself Sam Shellhammer.  Sam was incognito, but Babs outed him with a "hail fellow well met," as the Dean tried to hide the deep fried Twinkee he was gnoshing on.

Then whilst chatting it up with the lady who charges 25 cents to shake her monkey's hand (plotting my retirement career), I turn around and 'sho 'nuff, there was the Head of Reference and his wife scarfing deep fried Oreos.  Well the list goes on and on.  Everyone from the University must've taken annual leave on that glorious day.

  

The denouement of the day was a joyous family reunion.....

Long lost cousin, 2x removed, Jerry Callahan.  We're going to stay in touch via Facebook. 

Happy Valentines Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZTVNhjp7H8&feature=related

P.S.  To my sweethearts-- past, present, and future....Happy Valentines Day my dears.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TL2B-iiVhA

Going under the Radar. You're welcome.

Thank you and Good Luck.  Be back on Monday 2/14/11. 

This just ain't right...

http://www.wisn.com/r/26827947/detail.html

Map Librarians Have All the Fun

The Motor City

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKL254Y_jtc

Awesome!!!  Thanks to fellow Michigander in diaspora Emma Eiderdown for forwarding the above link to me.  Beautiful imagery, but ain't nothing, not even if Lee Iococca was giving them away for free, would get me behind the wheel of a PT Cruiser.   

Detail of Detroit Industry - Diego Rivera, 1933. Fresco mural. Detroit Institute of Arts

P.S. Enjoy the Ghost of the Grande Ballromm http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGQ5NZnzlLA

It's the University of SOUTH Florida*

Take advatage of exciting new CR/NC courses being offered Fall Semster 2011:

Department of Dance: DC 201.  "Movement for the college athlete."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aazG7dMhE7I

College of Communications: COC 205 "Effective utilization of non verbal communication skills."  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bbe_u046bJw&feature=relatedhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rjxYFQTY6U

College of Fine Arts: COF 169. "Screenwriting and Editing 101"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVGtVoUKJ6A

Non credit and extracurricular opportunites for new students:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rjxYFQTY6U

* Register soon as these sections are certain to fill fast.

Superbowl XLV. Who gives a shit?

To:  Babs
From:  Parker Stone
Date:  2/5/11
Subject:  Just curious?

Babs:
Sacajewa* and I are busy cleaning in advance of Super Bowl gig here in the gated compound. The feature on the menu will be Pigs-in-a-Blanket.

Curious, who are you backing, Pittsburgh or Green Bay? And will you be coming to the party, so I can order a taxi in advance?
 
--Parker
 
To: Parker Stone
From: Babs
Date: 2/6/11
Subject: FW: Just curious?

Dear Parker:
Wow, pigs in a blanket, be still my beating heart.  It's heartening to know you've upgraded from last year's fare of cheese whiz on stale Triskets.  Parker, just curious, do you still own that that surly little rat-dog cur that bit me last year?  Are you gonna lock that little bitch in the attic?
 
And Parker you know I am perhaps the only person in the US who couldn't give a shit about the stupid Superbowl.  Millionaire v. Millionaire.



Oh, and the lure of corporate America..."hey retards, watch our ads."  The Superbowl is merely the closing ceremony of the bloated, greed-induced capitalist high season that spans Thanksgiving and culminates on Superbowl Sunday. 
 
Yea, thanks dude, order the taxi.  Tell 'Jawea I'll be bringing cocktail weinies.
xoxo 
--Babs

*Sacajawea= Parker's crunchy granola wife. 

Pure Michigan...pure shite!

Dearest friends, family, foe, ex-husbands/boyfriends, and wannabes in the great State of Michigan:

Send me your huddled masses.  Now accepting 1st come, 1st served guests.   

Price of admittance to neo tropical haven of bliss:  prescription meds, cuz I know for a fact, bitches, you be scripted up, dosed, & mainlined to the point of liver damage by your cadre of Punjabi Docs.  How else could you cope with/sort out this kind of shit for 9 months of the calendar/fiscal year? 

Photo stolen from KentMiller.com.  Please note dominatrix kid sis Jane (in John Deere green) at the window, hand on hips, supervising.  For the first time in 60 yrs., BBB (Bogart Bail Bonds) was closed due to inclement weather. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsR0DeY7f1g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvWzz04ikvg&feature=related

Kent, you're going to experience a bit o' shrinkage.

xoxo

--Babs 

What they think of us in Australia...

After the zesty 2nd amendment gun debate, a reader from Oz sent me the above.  At least Michigan ain't in "Jesusland."