Killer mosquitoes and sticks.

My brother in law Kip is taking little sis Mame camping in Colorado.  Mame's been kitting herself out in smashing jodphurs and netting-- think Mem Sahib Jewel in the Crown-- meets Phyllis Neffler.

The way Mame is packing they're going to need at least two sherpas to tote her hair product, wardrobe, and wine cellar up to the campsite. Kip is just asking for trouble, but he's in the brainwashing bidness these days and has convinced Mame that only slovenly, no account campers get eaten by stinky bears in wildlife.  According to Kip a good refesher in becoming Bear Smart is to watch back to back episodes of Yogi and Boo Boo on the Cartoon Network.  Is this man trying to kill my sister? 

The minute Mame's exquisite camo boots inadvertently step in and are bespoiled by a huge steaming, stinking pile of bear scat, comprised of among other things, a shining human incisor, and randomy manicured finger tip in OPI Red, Mame may want to reconsider the advisability of this lark.  I've suggested she outfit herself with a small stylish clutchable firearm, that could accidentally mortally wound Kip in the event of a bear attack. 

So back to killer mosquitoes and sticks posing as rattle snakes.  Us savvy Floridians know 'tis the season of encephilits werein a random mosquito coud bite you and your head would swell to twice it's size before you died a slow and painful death-- needless to say, you would show absolutely awfully in an open coffin.

Also pygmy rattlers swarm to suburbia at this time of year in a concerted effort to wreak vengence on unsuspecting humans by posing as harmless sticks just waiting to sink their evil fangs into your lower extremities.  Bite won't kill you, but shitty Florida Blue Cross Blue Shield coverage in the form of a bill delivered upon your discharge from hospital, may just do the job.   

This is why I only venture out into that wicked sizzle of Sol, to perform my duties as a wage slave, get my nails done, and random larks to Stein Mart fully armed to the gills with taser and/or pepper spray, also bring rubber cement for a random sniff should I need to bolster myself during times of crisis.  Haven't even touched on  the sassy Florida gator, which is just waiting pond-side for a stupid fat Yankee to toss him a random marshmallow. 

Have fun in CO Mame, and remember make Kip pay for EVERYTHING.