Resting Bitchy Face is REAL

Resting Bitchy Face is Real

I'm here to tell you Mary Poppins is a BITCH

The REAL Mary Poppins as described by author P. L. Travers

The real Mary Poppins is a drunk, abusive, vain, bitch.  How do I know?  It takes one to know one, and, I just finished the book.  I was gobsmacked to discover Mary Poppins isn't the perky, pretty, sickly sweet,  "practically perfect" in every way savior to the unhappy Banks Family that Walt Disney spun into copyright and movie-making history.

Readers, she's a "See You Next Tuesday" know-it-all, gossiping, KVETCH. 

So before you go see "Saving Mr. Banks," please read the evidence below taken directly from the book to support my thesis.  Better yet, read the book yourself.

Drunk:  "Mary Poppins then poured out another dose and solemnly took it herself.  'Rum punch,' she said, smacking her lips and corking the bottle."  Note:  This is while she was on the job.  p. 13.

--Fondly, 
Babs

Happy New Year

Yup, that's my resolution for 2014. 

To follow Babs please visit: http://miamiibitch.blogspot.com/

Maybe we shouldn't have skipped the "getting to know you" part...

...then I would've known you didn't like girls.

Please join me in celebrating the 6th Anniversary of my Fang divorce by singing along with the jolly song below. 

All Hail Madge!!

It's been too long since I fell on my ass...

Babs is working it this morning channeling Sheena Easton strutting her stuff up to the Metro platform.

Inner dialogue goes something like this... "Clown paint?  check. Hair bumped? check. Rockin' behind the super dark Jackie O's? check. Lacy coffin gloves? check.  You know what skinny bitch?...this Miami gig just might work out cuz there ain't no place in the contiguous US that you could rock this ghetto-fab leopard print coat and nary raise an eyebrow. You could be sportin' a pith helmet, a boa, have purple hair, an 'I Dream of Jeanie' harem ensemble, and nobody would even do a double take...hey maybe this is where you belong?..."

Then... "ouch, kerplunk" I have once again very publicly fallen, while taking a short cut to the train, cuz... guess what? I'm running late... Meanwhile nary a Miamian offers to assist this damn damsel in distress, or enquire as to my well being as they continue to walk over or sidestep me enroute to the Metro. Dust myself off, assess the damage.

"Waaah I want my mother... oh right she's dead." Inner dialogue resumes.. "Where was I? Oh, indeed.. I think this is where I belong."

The Bosses!!

GOP Convention

It's the most wonderful time of the year....TEBOW TIME!!!

Oh Yea...

Mame is right

"Hello Central Casting?  This is Babs...send me a tall handsome Olympian man of my dreams...oh yea, legs optional and it's no never mind if he's got a funky name."
--Oscar Pistorius he is victorious.  --Babs

Miami Mosquitoes...

Miami mosquitoes...pure harbingers of the underworld unleashed from the bowels of hell with a mandate from Diablo himself. Bite the most susceptible skin...the lips, the palm of the hands, the joints, the eyelid...
After doing a night of battle with this species, I awaken as puffy as Courtney Love, and I haven't had a drink in a week... 

To that "special*" someone in my life...

*as in RETARDED...special Olympian

Bay City Bitches

Escape from Facebook Nation

Just checking in..be back soon...

xoxo

Babs

Happy Sunday from Miami!!

Babs successfully relocated.

"...Miami seemed not a city at all but a tale, a romance of the tropics, a kind of waking dream in which any possibility could and would be accomodated." p.33
---Miami  by Joan Didion

First dead people were logging onto my Facebook page...

Then the "big guy" called and I let it go to voicemail.  Are you people just yanking my April Fool's chain or am I going mad?

Open Mail (not Douche) Bag Sunday

 

To:  Babs

From:  the Spanish Fly

Dear Babs:
If you laugh really hard every day will you get a six pack?  My friend said you can but I don't believe her...

Dear Fly:
I know it to be true, if you laugh AND drink a six pack WHILE you are working out for a HALF HOUR everyday, then stick your finger down your throat...you will have a six pack in no time...  This is my patent pending "Babs 'Lazy Bitch'" diet plan.  Get totally wasted and totally ripped at the same time.  EASY/PEASY!